Bury Me Not

 

Dressed to beat Hell...

Ancient Egyptians wrapped their dead in early duct tape... er,  200-count cotton strips probably called swaddling cloth. Their idea was to keep evil spirits away from the deceased. When the AP once moved what was then called "fillers" to fit into composing room galley holes, each needed a one-line small headline... reporter Dave Hess typed this one...

Dressed to Beat Hell
It ran in all editions...


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Hess, who just closed out his career in Washington with Knight Ridder, had a way with filler headlines. In handling a legit news story... owner of a garage apartment is standingin the yard below the bathroom window. He had just painted some of the fixtures including the toilet seat. His tenant was so upset he grabbed the john seat and threw it out the window, killing his landlord. The Hess headline...

Wet Toilet Seat Kills Landlord
Again, it ran in all editions...

 

 

Cremation could have prevented this...

The United States Geological Society has determined that the epicenter of the Virginia earthquake was in a graveyard just outside Washington, D. C. The cause appears to be all of our Founding Fathers rolling over in their graves. Apparently, it happened along the "It's Your Fault" line that runs from the Capitol Building to the White House.

Contributor: Kibby Pindel
23 August 2011

 

Prepping for finals???

Have a death wish? For $89 Gray Line Tours offers a close-up bus tour out of Tucson, AZ, of the border between Mexico and Arizona. The tour is titled "Border Crisis: Fact and Fiction." It is the "fact" part that will be a concern. If you go, question the tour guide as to the then daily death count in nearby Nogales, Mex. In the eight-hour tour tourists get a chance to talk with ranchers ranching at the border. They learn about drug traffickers and smugglers. Two advisories for anyone buying a ticket... never leave Tucson without your Muggers Express card... and have your dental records clipped to your will. At home.

-- 13 September 2011

 
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